I am four months past my Acoustic Neuroma Surgery that claimed my hearing on my right side and left me with facial paralysis that might return. Overall my body has improved a lot and I can do most things. This leaves me with yet another challenge. What do I do with the struggles, pain and healing that people cannot see?
Whenever I talk to people about what it feels like, they always start the conversation with "You can barely tell." They are right. If I look in the mirror and don't smile. I can only see a little strangeness in my eye. In fact if wear sunglasses and don't smile or talk, you can't tell there is anything wrong at all. But unfortunately, that is not the case.
My face doesn't just feel numb, it feels like when you eat too spicy of food. It burns and tingles. When that side itches, scratching doesn't do anything for it. I wear hearing aid now, that are amazing and are made so no one can see them unless they look. Sometimes when I think of the sad parts of the last two years, I get depressed and isolated. All things that are invisible to most people.
Even the healing is invisible. The neurosurgeon told me that the neurons regrow but he doesn't exactly know how they will or how long they will take. Something I didn't know. That means when people ask if it is getting better my answer is "I don't really know. I think so."
There has been so much death, disease and disaster around us that it can feel like the world is falling apart. That is why we need to heal our most invisible part. Our heart. Our hearts are broken and messed up. I just had a tumor, my dad just died, someone close just died of COVID 19. I can barley take the sorrow. But my heart is somehow healing.
There are two things we can do when being forced to heal our heart. Harden it so we don't feel this pain again. Maybe we even cover it up by trying to achieve or living our best life. We improve, do good and think positively. This is only a temporary fix. The other option is that we can go to the source. The truth is we have a soul problem at it is really bad. As much as we try we can't heal it ourselves. We have do deal with the really hard questions. Do I believe in God. Why or why not. Is He in charge of the good and the bad things that happen or does He just put things in place, roll the dice, and He responds? If He is in charge, is He Good or Bad?
These are vital questions we have to deal with in order to deal with suffering. We probably even need the help of a councilor to help drag the answers out of us. We can no-longer live our parents faith or just have it be elementary. Sure, a basic knowledge can save you, but living will make no sense and might be miserable. What do you believe in suffering and why? What do we do about it?
God wants to heal the invisible parts, starting with your heart. The way He does it is not really up to you and requires your participation. It's hard, you can't do it on your own and easier not to do. But it's good and in the end we will be even stronger than before. Maybe not always physically but when we face future suffering, we know where to turn.
Are you suffering inside where people can't see? Maybe this will help a little.
This short resource doesn't try to tell you what do but instead just tries to empathize with your suffering through my own. The PDF is free and the print goes to Helping One Guy. The nonprofit that bought my hearing aid.